Babycakes: "I Just Keep Thinking About the Dinosaurs..."

Oh my god. Ok. To preface this movie, let me tell you all a story.

Once upon a time, my sister was in 10th grade, having an awesome day, and happened to watch a movie on Lifetime called Babycakes. She enjoyed it and promptly got on with her life. Several years later she happened upon it on Amazon or some such site and decided "What the hey? I'll buy it!" After receiving said movie, she popped it into our DVD player and she, my mother, and I all began to watch it. After about half an hour, we were all splitting our sides at this absolutely awful "feel-good movie". Babycakes has lived on in my family (and probably my family only) as a hilarious and hammy classic.

"Love means never having to say--"

Oh, my bad, "Love doesn't come in sizes"

The plot revolves around Grace (Ricki Lake pre-weight-loss): a shy, obese cosmetician for a mortuary. (Yup.) Her life seems to kind of just move along until, after enduring some verbal abuse at her father's wedding reception, she spots her dream guy (Craig Sheffer of One Tree Hill) at a local skating rink. Afterwards, acting like a complete normal person, she stalks the absolute shit out of him. Invades his work place to get his schedule, gets a new bed with satin sheets, gives herself a complete makeover, and steals his skates in order to meet him.

Yes, yes, candy is the way to his heart...

After an incredibly bizarre introduction over some banana splits, she gives him her address and tells him the elaborate dinner that she's going to cook for him. After suddenly getting creeped out that she's asking him over (or perhaps hesitant because his fiancee is away?), he leaves and says he might show up (after she presses his answer like twelve times). Ah and then the fateful dinner. He stays at a bar with some friends and gets totally smashed and shows up at her house five hours late, after she has eaten all the food and totally trashed her own apartment as a result of her disappointment. Rob (yep, his name's Rob) then proceeds to pass out and thus begins their attraction and impending romance (don't worry, I'm not going to spoil all the details for you).

Ah, love at first pancake.

If that description doesn't make you want to see this abysmal riot of a movie, I frankly do not know what will. If what I just summarized makes you think that the movie ends with her being a psychopathic killer, you are thinking of the wrong kind of Lifetime movie. In fact, despite all of her creepiness (ah, the days before Facebook), the movie seems to make her endeavors seem totally and completely normal. And I cannot possibly count the weird tangents in this film, which include an extended metaphor to the dinosaurs being extinct, a "crawling eye", an incredibly catchy keyboard theme song, the excess of pastels, and the interesting ten-thousand-layer outfits that Grace wears.  Not to mention the completely inexplicable 180 that Rob's character seems to suffer. In fact, Rob goes from being a totally normal-seeming fellow into a grown 5-year-old with ADHD. Is this what love does to people? Is this attractive? Apparently.

As a side note, I'm glad that Lifetime's producers were pioneers in making movies about guys who don't mind a little extra weight on their girls. But holy crap, couldn't they have run into each other on the street without her using binoculars and crazy to win him over?

So good and so funny, please see this movie. It'll warm your heart and make you both hungry and paranoid. How many movies can you say that about? Precisely.

(Also, Grace's scrunchies and hair accessories should've gotten their own credit in this movie. There are a ton of them.)

Wish there was a color photo of this pink sweater. 

And no, that's not a wedding veil on her head.

...Or is it....

Couldn't find a trailer but (LUCKY FOR YOU) the entire movie is on YouTube! Enjoy!

Alright, additionally, I have been looking all night for this DVD and it only exists on Amazon for upwards of a hundred dollars. True story. So if you've seen this movie on youtube and you wanna own it as badly as I do, write to Hen's Tooth Video (on their website at henstoothvideo.com) and make em re-release it!

Shopgirl: Rom-Dram?

When I first saw Shopgirl on the shelf at Blockbuster a few years ago (wow I'm old), I thought it would be a hilarious romantic comedy with my favorite Steve Martin character, Jason Schartzman as the awkward goofy guy, and Claire Daines as a cool love interest.

Then I read the book last month. Little did I know that I had the complete layout a little skewed.

Shopgirl isn't really a funny movie. It's actually sad for a good portion of the novella and Steve Martin, you can tell, took pains to see that the movie closely followed his original work.

Observe, the original work.

Claire Daines plays Mirabelle, a shopgirl working at a glove counter in the couture department of Saks Fifth Avenue in LA. Yes, glove counter. And no, Mirabelle hardly ever sells any. Her life is dominated by tedium and her shy demeanor doesn't really give her much wiggle room in terms of making new friends.

Boring.

While things look up for a brief time when she goes out with a man named Jeremy (Schwartzman), Mirabelle's future looks a little bleak. But Mirabelle's life gets turned on its side after she receives gloves from a stranger named Ray Porter (Martin) and the rest of the movie follows a map of human complexities and romantic interpretations.

Love stinks. Yeah yeah.

The movie is actually very beautiful. While seeing Steve Martin as this new complex character is a little throwing at first, he carries the role gracefully. The chemistry between Mirabelle and Ray Porter is a little stiff, but not unbelievable when compared to their characters, and their comfortability at some points in this film is almost heartbreaking when compared with their labeling of their relationship. The fragility of Mirabelle's poor little self is also a little sad. This is a sad love story for the majority of its duration. Mirabelle and Ray are both hopelessly flawed without any real idea of how to fix each other and without any real depth of understanding as to the other's entire personality.

Ah, l'amour.

But fear not, dear friends, because this movie ends on a high note (I won't ruin how). A very moody, poetic film typical almost of French cinema, Shopgirl keeps you pensive, breaks your heart, and renews your hope in love all in one sitting. Good job, Steve.

Six and a half stars.

The Greatest Gatsby

Holy crap. How did I not know about this months ago? One of my favorite directors, the almighty Baz Luhrmann, the King of Fast Editing, the creative genius behind Moulin Rouge and Romeo + Juliet, and The Man in general, is directing the American classic novel The Great Gatsby.


Oh.

My.

God.

Yes. Please.

I am going to find any way that I can to be at the first showing for this one. It's been about five years since Luhrmann last came out with a film and that was the underwhelming Australia, which was a cross between Dances With Wolves and Out of Africa. Shmeh. Not my cup of tea. But I'm excited to see how he pulls together this stylish drama because unfortunately the only other film version features Mia Farrow who I hate.

You look like a mouse.

Watch the trailer and get as stoked as I am what what!!

Scots and Gingers and Bears--Oh My!

Bill and I hit up the Frank Theater in Rio Grande last Wednesday in pursuit of a certain Pixar movie that just came out last week: Disney and Pixar's Brave. I know, I'm awful, it took me a while to get around to writing this one because I was running back and forth between Philly and home a lot last week and this week and whenever I'm home I have the delusion that I'm on vacation. So OBVIOUSLY I couldn't write a blog post when I was on vacation...

But I digress. As usual.

So really having nothing to go off of from the preview except for that looping phrase, "If you haad the chaance to cheenge yer feet...would yew?" I was just kinda putting my faith into the Pixar logo, as so many of us do.

Or is it "Breeeeve"?

The plot of the film, if you got the vibe from the previews better than I did, is that Princess Merida is being forced to choose a husband with which to rule her father's kingdom. The three neighboring clans (who don't get along very well) all come bearing their sons in hopes of winning a competition and therefore Merida's hand. But Merida is an unruly and adventurous teenager who doesn't feel ready to be married. Kept in line by her proper mother, despite taking more after her father, Merida is dying for the chance to just be herself and live outside the princess rules that weigh her down.

In order to change her fate (cheenge her feeet), Merida is led by whisps (mystic Scottish things that look sort of like oversized misty water drops) to an old witch that can help her change her mother. But the results of the witch's help leave Merida with something that she had never asked for, and now she has to fix what she's done before it becomes permanent.

Or I guess they kind of also look like jellyfish...

So, first of all, let me get the obvious out of the way and just say: holy crap this movie is gorgeous. I don't know how the hell they pack so much detail into their sets while maintaining the mysticism of the era and adding cartoon-like characters that nonetheless are heartbreakingly realistic and wonderfully hilarious. Also the fiery vibrance of Merida's hair in contrast to the lush green of Scotland's landscape really reels her in as the focus of this movie. Lighting, sounds, and design are all breathtaking in this film. Once again, Pixar, well done. Ya did good, kids.

You really have to click on this sucker to do it justice...

In terms of plot, I was pleasantly surprised at how much the movie made sense after being a little befuddled about the vague, adrenaline-filled preview. I understand now that they wanted to keep the plot a bit under wraps as this movie is shorter than most Pixar ventures at only an hour and a half. However, I will say, that Pixar must be used to taking their time with plot points because this one took a small while to get going. You kind of end up feeling like they set out to make an epic adventure, but shortened it in the name of the children watching. No offense, Pixar, but I think you should've either kept the length or just  gotten right into the real story a little bit faster. Everything ends up being kind of necessary, but...I dunno, it just felt a little off its game. I think also, after re-watching the preview, that Brave sets itself up to be an epic adventure tale of GARGANTUAN proportions when really it ends up being an above-par folktale that really centers on the children audience for once. (Also, for the weepy, don't worry there aren't any heartbreaking scenes like in Finding Nemo's beginning or like in Up! when Ellie finds out she can't have kids. So that's good.)

In short, this film isn't bad at all, but its brevity leaves a little something to be desired for the older crews. For kids' films in general it's a beautiful adventure tale, but for Pixar, it seems to be down there with Cars.

7 and a half outa 10.

OMG, I forgot! If you need a reason to see this, though, please PLEASE see it for the ADORABLE short that prefaces the film. It's literally one of the cutest things I've ever seen. Seriously.

If You're Anything Like Me...

You will have watched this new trailer at least ten times in anticipation of this freakin' awesome-looking adaptation of the musical Les Miserables.

Omigodomigodomigod! I AM SO excited for this movie to come out. Even my prejudices against Anne Hathaway's cocker spaniel-like face will have to be put aside because it looks like this will truly be a great movie. Starring Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean, Russell Crowe as Javert, Anne Hathaway as  Fantine, Amanda Seyfried as Cosette, and Samantha Barks as Eponine, this awesome cast looks like they're going to blow this musical out of the water.

Also all actors are going to be singing live in the film, with no dubbing being provided, which is THE COOLEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD. So tired of shows like Glee or..well, mostly Glee, but shows and films that revolve around singing that have been auto-tuned to the point where they really just could've used a computerized voice to stay on pitch and no one would've noticed the difference. Really stoked to see how well all these actors and actresses can sing!

Oh my god, seriously every time I watch this trailer I get goosebumps.

What do you guys think?? Trailblazing success? Or is there no way that it could live up to the stage production?

Madagascar 3(D): Yay Fun!

So, this may come as a surprise to you all, but when I'm not typing my fingers to the bone for all y'all, I am babysitting an adorable 10-year-old named Kate. Now, Kate was a little miffed at me last week because I got her all excited two weeks ago after I told her I had Finding Nemo and that we could watch it on Friday. Well, guess who forgot Finding Nemo? Yup.

So in order to make it up to her I told her I would take her to see Madagascar 3. Her eyeballs almost popped out of her head. So we went to the theater, got our 3D glasses on our heads, and sat back for some good old-fashioned fluff.

Oh my god, guys. It was hilarious.

Now, I am not the biggest fan of the quality of animation that the Madagascar movies use. I'm probably just spoiled by the beauty of all of Pixar's movies but Madagascar always sort of weirded me out a little (for one, why is Alex's mane shaped like a diamond?). Even after seeing the first one somewhere a few years ago it never really stuck out in my memory. But this third one really takes the cake.

I'm pretty sure I was laughing harder than Kate was.

Right?

The plot takes off where (apparently) the second one left off, with the animals escaping Africa to find the penguins and their army of monkeys in Monte Carlo. Once with the penguins they plan to use their flying machine (I guess it's an airplane?) to fly home to NYC. But while they are trying to escape, the keep getting intercepted by French animal control freak Dubois, who is on their tail (haha puns...) for the rest of the movie.

Seriously. Dis chick cray.

At one point, while trying to escape her evil clutches (don't worry I can tell you about it cuz it's relatively in the beginning), they hop aboard a circus train headed for its next gig and join them under the guise that they are, in fact, from an American circus themselves. The plot then continues with Dubois trying to track them down and with the animals "teaching" the circus animals how they do things in the "circus americano".

Circus americano: exhibit A

As with all truly worthwhile kids movies there is enough adult fodder to keep you awake if the cutesy cheap laughs aren't getting to you (you weirdo). That being said, the movie isn't all cuddles and rainbows and learning about friendship. They make some pretty clever jokes that have some pretty big laughs. Madagascar 3 isn't afraid to be ridiculous and in a world full of tear-jerkers like the ones that Pixar keeps churning out (still have yet to see Brave), that can be so refreshing. If you're tryina guffaw all night, watch Madagascar 3.

Please please please watch the scene with Stefano (voiced by Martin Short) getting shot out of a human cannon. Aaaaand also any other scene with Stefano. (He was my FAVORITE!)

8 and a half outa 10. Hilarious and so cute.

Prometheus: Wait..I'm Confused..

Dude. What the heck, Ridley. Got me all excited to see this crazy movie you cooked up as a not-quite-prequel to Alien. You had a pretty cool trailer with some nice lookin' camera work, had a foreboding foghorn sound that reminded me of War of the Worlds and pre-freaked me out, looked like some good actors. But alas. You join the ranks in creating a lackluster and unimpressive add-on to a classic movie. You oughta be ashamed of yourself.

Oh alright, Ridley, I'm sorry. No need to cry...

Alright...primary outburst has been finished. We may now begin with the actual opinion minus the fueled disappointment.

I really did have great expectations (Dickens? Anyone?) about this movie. It looked like it had a new and interesting cast with some plot twists, alien civilizations, and mystery. But unfortunately, Scott doesn't quite make the masterpiece that he intended.

Prometheus is the name of the ship that doctors Shaw and Holloway (who are also married, btw) take to the far reaches of space to try and find the Engineers, the things responsible for the creation of mankind. Along with them for the journey are various other scientists, pilots, and crew members, including Meredith Vickers, the person under the man funding the expedition. But as soon as they arrive on this planet they run into trouble. While finding evidence of humanistic creatures, they soon find that there is another darker creature lurking there too ($50 if you can guess!).

Nope. An even darker creature than this.

While the sets and imaginativeness of the whole thing are really quite interesting in this film, I feel like it totally lacks direction. It seems to be caught between wanting to tell the story of the creation of the thing in Alien and playing with the idea that humans are not alone in the universe. The latter is really the more interesting story, I think. Or at least a little less explored.

I mean doesn't the poster kind of suggest that it's gonna be about the Engineers?

But the storyline ends up getting convoluted in the director's attempt to stuff everything into this one film. It ends up being kind of a curve ball to the viewer, attempting to wrap their mind around first one storyline and then the other. Very cool how Scott fabricates the creation of the Alien in a somewhat believable fashion, but disappointing in that it creates an incredibly deep plot point and then ends up sort of saying "we'll probably get back to this in a sequel". He should've focused on the Engineers in this one and gotten to the Alien prequel next, or vice versa, if you ask me.

Another disappointing element was the fact that unlike the original Alien, Prometheus seems to forget about its suspenseful beginnings. Although it starts out promising, the film gets preoccupied with its characters searching for answers and any horror element is turned into a more action-y one. Would've liked to see more actual scariness.

Not a horrible movie, but pretty disappointing and a little confusing.

Now, don't look at me like that, I'm just being honest..

Six outa ten.