Le Hobbit: Le Unexpected Journey

Well, my children, after the insane-o crazy December work frenzy, I have finally found the time to chronicle and dissect my latest cinema visit, which was spent seeing The Hobbit. I was pretty excited to see this for a multitude of reasons:

A. I had been nerding out hardcore with my boyfriend/Tolkien guide, Sir Nicholas, and watching all of the Lord of the Rings films for most of early December (when I wasn't watching Muppet Christmas Carol anyway). With his help I went from understanding about 42% of what was going on to understanding an astounding 79%, making the films much more sensical and interesting.

I mean it could be a holiday movie...

B. I love Martin Freeman. If you didn't notice him in either Love, Actually or Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, watch them again. Do it.

So cute!

C. Peter Jackson is a beast. Like actually insane.

Normal, perfectly normal...

D. The dwarves looked funny and entertaining :)

And their creative braids will surely affect

the latest fashion trends.

The movie starts out a few hours (or perhaps days) before the events that pass in the beginning of The Fellowship of the Ring. Thinking about leaving The Shire in the immediate future, he sets down to write about his first adventure with a group of dwarves and Gandalf the Gray.

We are given the back story of the dwarves existence in Middle Earth. They lived in a mountain and crafted beautiful works to be sold at a market that sat adjacent to the mountainside. But one day a dragon came and invaded their home, shacking up at the king's own treasure room (dragons have a thing for gold, if you're not familiar with your mythical creatures) and leaving the dwarves to live out their existence as nomads. This is where the quest comes in.

Ah, nothing like a good quest.

After years of trying to rough it living among men and in small groups, a small group of dwarves has decided, with the help of Gandalf, to storm the castle and try to take back what is their homeland. To help them, Gandalf enlists Bilbo as their "burglar" as he is tiny and light on his feet. Despite the skepticism of the dwarves, he joins them on their journey the following day. The events that follow include a few run-ins with orcs, a visit to the Elves's Rivendell village, an escapade with trolls, and a battle royale with an underground goblin village, where Bilbo gets the legendary ring.

Not that ring...

So I had read the book The Hobbit when I was about 16 years old, I think, and could only remember about half of the plot, but it wasn't a horrible hinderance when it came to watching this film. In fact, Crazy Jackson decided to expound upon the original story of The Hobbit and give it some meat from Tolkien's Appendix so that it could be divvied up into not only one movie, but two (in this case, my normal annoyance with open endings and leeway for sequels shall stand aside, because I'm actually glad he's doing so much justice to the book and more). That being said, there's so much that happens in this film I'm glad he took the time to get to it all.

The cinematography is beautiful, and it's no question that Jackson has a veritable genius when it comes to bringing to life the wonders of this foreign Middle Earth. The perspective on all of the assorted creatures is impeccable, and the detail that goes into each of their faces, from the stout and large-nosed dwarves to the hideously creepy Gollum, is frighteningly realistic. I would definitely recommend seeing this film in the 3D version, especially the version with the more frames per minute because it's gorgeous.

I don't know if it's the advanced technology or the

fact that he's in the dark, but he seems a lot creepier now...

A word of warning, though: I would hesitate to bring small children to this. Being more beefed up than the original book, the film has some more serious fodder to it than you might think, and hints often to the upcoming war and tragedy that we see in the Lord of the Rings movies. And though the dwarves are pretty funny, they are set against hideous and scary creatures like goblins, orks, trolls, and the (once again) frighteningly creepy Gollum. If you have a stoic kid, go for it, otherwise I would air on the side of caution.

9 outa 10 stars. I wish it had been a little shorter :X

Rise of the Guardians: Mythical Creatures Just Got Bad-ass

A kid's movie? Me? I know. Shocking.

So with all of the special effects, violence, and testosterone-filled flicks these days, it's no wonder when sometimes kids movies get a little beefed up. In the case of Rise of the Guardians (which I keep getting mixed up with Legends of the Guardians, which is a very different movie...) the formula actually works pretty well. While many have tried before to make Santa Claus a little less jolly and a bit more deep, there are innumerable times when this representation of the jolly gift-giver seriously and atrociously fails. However in this movie, I was impressed to find how likable the characters remain, and how many mythical beings get a little more limelight.

It's The Avengers for kids!

The story revolves around Jack Frost, who, in a nut shell, can make things really cold. Giving little kids Snow Days and causing minor mayhem is his favorite, and he loves to help little kids have fun on their days off from school. The only problem with Jack, though, is that no child can see him. In an interestingly accurate presentation, kids do not acknowledge Jack Frost because they have never heard of him. And in the world of the film, if a child does not believe in a mythical creature, they can't see them. Which is where the conflict in the film comes in.

If you can't see this picture, then you don't believe in Jack Frost.

Pitch Black, also referred to as just "Pitch" (which had me chortling in my seat cuz it sounded like they were saying somethin' else...), is the mythical creature known as the boogie man. Being a little uncomfortably scary, even for me, he has been unseen by children for decades. The dude gets fed up with being invisible and starts a war with the mythical creatures so that they will feel his pain. His mayhem stirs up many problems in the mythical creatures' worlds, and without the unfailing faith of children, their extinction knocks at the door. DUN DUN DUUUNNNN.

He's like Saruman for kids!

The mythical creatures in this flick include Santa Claus (voiced by Alec Baldwin), a robust, tattooed man with a strong Russian accent; the Easter Bunny (voiced by Hugh Jackman), a spry guy with an Australian accent and a boomerang; the Tooth Fairy (voiced by Isla Fisher), a class-A spaz that looks to be half hummingbird; the Sandman, adorably short and mute, who uses his golden dust to communicate with his buds; and Jack Frost (voiced by Chris Pine), who always looks freezing (d'oh ho ho...no but seriously, he made me cold). All of these creatures have such strong and separate personalities, the film ends up working quite well. Even though they all seem to be a little more human than most illustrations have depicted them in the past, this works for the film. Instead of softy things, they really pack a punch, and are not going down without a fight. And, quite, honestly, their reality makes them even funnier.

Hehe

Of course the cutest thing, as with all movies involving holiday icons, is the purity of the belief of children that these things exist. When all looks lost, one child's faith in the Easter bunny is what ends up saving them all. And the fact that today kids are still choosing to believe in things like Santa (probably the easiest one), the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, the Sandman, and even Jack Frost, I'm sure, after this movie, really warms my heart. Even if these versions are more built to be fighters than the classic representations.

Sweet movie that was hugely entertaining. Highly recommend.

8 outa 10.

Potiche: Who Thought Feminism Could Be So Adorable?

Chaque fois que je regarde un filme francais, je veux depenser la reste du jour en parlant francais. Mais. Bon. Excusez-moi. Tout la reste serais en anglais.*

Vive la France.

So I went to the gym today for the first time in about a month, and you know what that means. Yes, yes, more movies for me to feast my eyes upon so I can endure a half hour on the elliptical, yay!

Today's unexpected gem was a French film called Potiche (roughly translates to "Trophy Wife"). Probably the most adorable movie about politics that I have ever seen. Taking place in 1977, a French housewife named Madame Pujol (Poo-jole, guys) is called upon to take over her husband's umbrella factory.  Her husband, quite unwell following his kidnapping by members of the umbrella factory union, lays dormant for three months while she manages the factory's inner workings. Usually spending her time taking care of a household and writing poems, Madame Pujol is unused to the business world, but takes to it easily. The efficiency with which she manages the umbrella factory in her husband's absence causes the greedy guy to take extreme measures to win it back for himself. What she does as a result is pretty cool.

Also, jeez, look how amazing Catherine Deneuve still looks???

This was a great film for feminism. It adresses the fact that men and women are different, but that sometimes this can be a good thing. Madame Pujol loves beauty and has a definite sense of humanity, two things that her husband definitely lacks. She also helps the factory run smoothly as a result of her respect for everyone, and by finding a job that suits everyone's personalities. Even though she begins the movie as a sort of absent-minded housewife, she ends if as a powerful contender for the political community. Pretty cool for the 70's. Additionally, hints to her indiscretions as a younger housewife remind the audience that sometimes women and men are very much alike, if not always viewed by society in the same light. While her husband traipses around town with different girls on his arm and even has an affair with his secretary, Mme Pujol is so discreet about her own that her husband literally does not believe her.

Who's infidele now, bitch?

I also love the nostalgic spin on the filming style. Dual shots fill the screen as we see her jogging towards the camera in one shot above another side shot of her feet running. The beginning of the film also is very bright and very opulent, calling to mind the movies of the 60's, while the latter half brings attention to the workers and to the reality of what things are. The music is cute, too.

Also these two dance on a lit-up disco floor. Frealz.

All around good fun and important message. Love Catherine Deneuve as Madame Pujol and Gerard Depardieu as Babin, the leader of the umbrella union. I so rarely find French films that aren't heartbreakingly sad or extremely dramatic, but I LOVED how cute and meaningful Potiche ended up being. See it now, kthanks.

*Every time I watch a French movie, I want to spend the rest of the day speaking French. But. Ok. Sorry. The rest will be in English.

Hitchcock: The Kinda Sorta Making of Psycho

Had the fortune to see the latest celebrity biopic, one so named Hitchcock in a (somewhat rare) double feature opportunity. The Philadelphia Film Society was offering a screening of Hitchcock followed by a screening of Psycho, the movie whose making Hitchcock loosely follows. They were like "Hey, ya wanna see this?" and I was like "Psh, yeah."

Heh, this guy

So. Plot. What was the plot of Hitchcock? Basically, it follows what occurred before, during, and after the filming of Psycho, a revolution in the horror genre of the 60's. This includes, but is not limited to, problems in production funding, problems in Hitchcock's marriage, problems with the story, problems with the actors, and just general problems.

I have a confession to make: I didn't love this movie.

For one thing, I have discovered that I may be too much of a nerd to take the dramatized flavor of celebrity biopics (unless they're, y'know, political, in which case I need all the drama I can get). When it came to this film, I walked away wondering how much was improvised, how accurate the acting was, and a thousand other things that could've been more easily answered by a cut-and-dry documentary.

Certified badass.

What bugged me about this movie was that I walked out of the movie theatre with about as much information about Alfred Hitchcock as I had had upon walking in. Obviously he was disturbed a little, look at his repertoire. No news there, movie buffs. Psycho is about a murderer who is obsessed with his mother. Marnie is about the effects of childhood trauma. Rope is about two boys that murder their friend and have a dinner party on top of his body, which is stored in a chest. How could this director not have a few dark thoughts?

Don't let his belly fool you, he is not jolly like Santa.

The things that were cool about Hitchcock, though, were the things I learned about the problems in production and how much of an ace his wife, Alma, was. Though the movie claims through its title that it is about the great director Alfred Hitchcock, it is just as equally about his wife. Helping Alfred throughout the production of Psycho from mortgaging their home for the funds with which to make it, proofreading the script, and helping him with the structure of the plot, she really is one of the huge players that made Psycho the tremendous success that it was.

A poster I wish I'd seen more of

The one thing that I liked about this was the personalities of both Hitchcock and Alma. Their sense of humor makes the whole movie worth watching (in addition to the beautiful colors of 1960). Between their witty repartees and their laughing at the truly grotesque, they do add a little bite of humor to the otherwise semi-dreary subjects of their shaky marriage and production woes.

I dunno, the whole film left a bit of an incomplete taste in my mouth. Very cool, but not horribly educational if you are looking to learn about the director himself. The movie offers you a scope of Hitchcock's life, the progress of his film, and the life of his wife.

Interesting, but I'd rather nerd out with a documentary.

6 outa 10.

Rid of Me: When Bro Things Happen to Good People

So since I have been confined to my room for the past three days as a result of what appears to be the lovechild of the flu virus and a sinus infection, what else to do but what new movies? I stumbled upon this film Rid of Me in my Rate Movies tab on Netflix and it was a really interesting watch.

Meris and Mitch have just moved to Oregon (Mitch's hometown specifically) after being married for a little over a year in California. Meris, a little socially awkward, is having trouble fitting in with Mitch's group of friends, who I can only describe as a troupe of raging assholes. Instead of being kind to Meris as new member of their friend circle, they alienate her and focus only on getting Mitch back as a member of their elite friend team. When Mitch asks her for a divorce to pursue his old high school sweetheart, Meris completely reinvents herself as a punk rock badass with the help of her friend, Trudy.

Timid, housewife Meris.

This movie started off with a bang, and a really graphic first image. Hearing that Mitch and Briann (the high school sweetheart) are going to have a baby, Meris throws caution to the winds and humiliates Briann in public. Like...really horrendously. But once this action happens through the movie's course of events, you really don't feel sorry for her at all. Let me explain...

Badass Meris.

So the awful (and really fascinating) thing about this movie is learning what constitutes a good person and a bad person. Mitch's awful friends classify Meris as a socially awkward weakling with no place in their group and with this "group think" Mitch starts to agree with them. But the most horrible thing about Mitch and his friends is that to most bystanders they seem like upstanding citizens. They all dress nice, they go out for social events together, they play sports, and they're all nice to each other. By contrast, Meris's new punk friends seem like aliens to them. And while some of the things that Meris's new crew do are a little extreme, it's obvious that they are all open to new things, fiercely protective of their new friend, and have an appreciation for her that we never seem to see from Mitch's side, even when they're married.

Only the strong can survive douchebaggery.

I also really loved the way that this is filmed. It looks like it's filmed with a handheld camera and Meris has a way of looking at the camera with such a vulnerability that you can immediately be in every situation that she is in.

A really interesting commentary about the importance of fitting in for some people, and the imperativeness of being yourself.

8 outa 10 stars folks. Watch at your own risk!

Wreck It Ralph: The World's Most Endearing Bad Guy

Pixar, how do I love thee?
Let me count the ways:
Your mastery of humor
For kids and adults the same,
While dazzling us with great effects
The result is never lame.

O Pixar, thou great beacon
In the sea of dark,
Where stupid animation
And potty jokes live,
Make our movies great again
With HD, humanity, and wit.

I mean, really there was no other way to express my love for this sweet production company. Wreck-It Ralph is nothing but awesome. Compared with Pixar's other sentimentally heartbreaking movies (anyone else have puffy eyes for days after seeing Up?), this one was pleasant, sweet, and ADORABLE. What's cuter than a big hulking clumsy guy who just wants a hug (says the girl who dates a tender-hearted, 6'4 ex-offensive lineman). It is absolutely impossible to single out any one thing about this movie without busting out a great big smile. Feel-good awesomeness, ladies and gentlemen.

Seriously, this has fun written all over it.

As I'm sure everyone in this country has seen from the trailer, the plot follows Ralph, an unhappy bad guy in a game called Fix-It Felix Jr. The game revolves around Ralph wrecking an apartment complex and his good guy counterpart Fix-It Felix being controlled by the player to fix all the damage that he has done. At the end of each game, Ralph is thrown from the top of the apartment complex into a mud puddle on the ground. As we learn in the beginning, Ralph is upset that he gets treated poorly by the other characters in the game and just wants some recognition (and also a medal....or a pie...).

I mean, who doesn't want a pie? (Happy Thanksgiving by the way, guys!)

After a confrontation at the anniversary party of his game, Ralph goes AWOL and sets off to find a medal to prove to the others in his game that he's not all bad. On this mission, Ralph visits a game that looks like a cross between Halo and the movie Starship Troopers, and then another game that looks like a cross between Mario Kart and Candy Land.

Kandy Kart?

The structure of the plot revolves around learning how to accept people that aren't like ourselves. While Ralph bonds with a glitch named Vanellope Von Schweetz (voiced by Sarah Silverman, brilliant.), Felix gets close with a strong-willed commander of the game Hero's Duty. Facing opposition from the other characters in her game, Vanellope knows what its like to be an outcast and she and Ralph form a snarky yet loving friendship. As for Felix (voiced by Jack McBrayer, genius.) he learns that bad guys aren't always necessarily bad guys.

I mean SO FREAKIN CUTE

Clever clever dialogue, some tearjerker moments (I mean, come on, what'd you expect?), and some hilariously awesome characters (look for the devil dogs that help King Candy, I was cracking up). I think Nick and I were laughing harder than the majority of the children in the packed audience. (Also, a bit off topic, but it was so nice to sit in a full theatre for once! So often it's me and Nick and like ten other people...)

So many fellow cinephiles!

The Pixar moniker has triumphed once more. Get your butt out there and remember what movie magic was like during the golden years of Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast.

10 outa 10. Pixar, you keep on keepin' on!

Silent Hill 2: The Hill Just Got More Silenter

Huh. Interesting. Maybe it's because I only saw the first installment of this movie last week and hadn't quite processed its themes yet, but this movie didn't make any sense. "Only once you destroy (and by destroy we mean join with) Alessa can Silent Hill be destroyed! Except it won't actually be destroyed! Mostly! Except for the one part of it! Because at the end a character decides to stay there! So what was the purpose of you coming here? We don't know! ....Look! A scary spider made of mannequins!"

"Rawr!"

So the film starts out with Alessa/Sharon/Heather being about 18 or something. Why the name change you ask? You find out about twenty minutes in. So (for those of you that have seen the original movie) the way they explain Sharon coming back without the mom is that the mom found a key into our dimension but that there was only room for one person to go through because half of the key was missing.

Observe: The key.

And Heather (aka Sharon) starts having these crazy dreams about all this stuff that's still going on in Silent Hill. She starts to hallucinate things going on around her reminiscent of the Silent Hill dimension, complete with Triangle-Hat Executioner Man and Saw-blade Arms Lady. So what does she do? She goes back to Silent hill of course! Where nothing but nonsensical weirdness ensues.

Also somewhere in Silent Hill they found a carnival.

So the problem with this movie is that it seems like someone was making it up as they went. "I think that Sharon should be back in our world and with the dad."
"How?"
"Uhh...well she's with her mom right? Her mom helps her get out?"
"How?"
"Uhhh, maybe there's like a hole in the dimension?"
"How would they reach this hole?"
"With a key...?"

The rest of the movie tries to carry a reason for everything, but each reason just seems like it's totally contrived. The whole plot doesn't really hold water and while the monsters are as interesting as ever, I was spending so much time trying evaluate what the heck was going on, the disturbing images kind of passed me by while I was asking Nick things like "Wait..why is that thing killing her? Who are all these people? Wait...what? I thought they all died in the first one?"

Even Sharon/Heather/Alessa/Margaret/Catherine/Thelma is confused.

Unfortunately, peeps, you'd be just as lost watching it if you had never even seen the first one. I would wait for this one to come out on Redbox or OnDemand.

2 outa 10.

PS It really bothers me when sequels have look-alike actors for children from their originals. Obviously they can't have the original kids but can't they just ex out the kids altogether?